The new adventures of potty-training a child who’s almost in kindergarten

Potty training, anyone?

Thank you, Steppy, for this awesome image!

I am so screwed.

I have a training-resistant kid who does not give a flying fuck if she wears diapers for the rest of her goddamn life.

And she starts kindergarten in exactly 3 months.

I should be clear that this isn’t standard kindergarten that everyone starts when they’re 5. This is called Junior Kindergarten, and it starts the year children turn 4, here in Ontario. So, you know, my kid isn’t THAT far behind, if you’re currently judging me for letting her reach that age before using the toilet.

Anyway, I’m not looking for advice; I know exactly what I need to do. We didn’t want to pressure her or force her before she was ready, for a myriad of reasons, but after a year of “not pressuring her,” we’re down to the wire.

Did you know that both my kids, almost 3 years apart in age, are currently wearing the same size diapers? Tell me that’s not fucked up. I keep joking that baby C will be out of diapers before the Threenager. He already eats more than her, sometimes, and is more keen to feed himself than she often is. So, you know, not that big a stretch. He imitates everything she does, anyway.

Wouldn’t that be funny, in a macabre kind of way? Baby C, just a year old and barely walking (I’m projecting here, he isn’t walking yet), figures out a way to sign when he has to use the toilet, and totally embraces going on the potty. The Threenager is like, “HA HA, SUCKER. I don’t even need to tell anyone when I need to go! You’re so dumb.” She eventually decides she wants me to home school her, so that she can stay in diapers forever…uhh, that won’t really happen. I don’t think.

Bless her heart. She’s a Virgo, if that means anything to you. If it doesn’t, don’t judge me. It means she has to do things her own way, and lord knows that’s how she’s been since she graced us with her presence.

But next weekend, come hell or high water, the diapers go away and never come back. I think she’ll be okay for the peeing part of things, but I have a feeling…well, I have a feeling there may be some poop stories in the not too distant future.

Oh lordy.

~g

Have you had trouble toilet training a child? How long did it take?

18 thoughts on “The new adventures of potty-training a child who’s almost in kindergarten”

  1. Nellemarie says:
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    All I can say is…I feel for you. I will be thinking of you next weekend, and praying, meditating or whatever else it takes. I think the words I used were “THAT’s INTENSE!!!” All caps intended.
    But hey, maybe it will be a breeze. Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Anxious Mom says:
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    Good luck. Little Man is still wearing pull ups at night at age 7. That’s (mostly) due to a medical thing, but still, I’m fully expecting that our almost one year old will be dry at night first.

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  4. Sandy says:
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    Good luck – once she realizes the diaper is not coming back she will be on the toilet in no time. That’s the benefit to training later, the process is much quicker. I took the diaper away at 2 but couldn’t leave the house without a change of clothes for 6 months.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. SirenRhea says:
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    Oh the stories I could tell! In the profession I currently am as a daycare provider. I can honestly tell you potty training your own kid is by far the worst..ever.. No amount of plastic tarps, towels or disposable blankets will cover what’s coming. Eventually they will find the one small square of uncovered floor and squat, or pee in your plants and keep on going. Strength is needed. And allot of muttering under your breath.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Mama says:
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    Perhaps not particularly supportive but I’m gleefully awaiting humorous posts about this adventure. It’s funny because it still feels so far away for us. I have no doubt I will not be laughing in a year or two.

    Liked by 1 person

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